No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
