Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
