alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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