Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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