I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
