you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You pole danced in your parka.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
