god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
