She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
