I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
