I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
