Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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