dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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