i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
