First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
