Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
