Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We left the knife in your bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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