I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm at about main and main street
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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