just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think a kid would responsible me up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
