and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
