my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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