Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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