So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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