Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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