Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
