she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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