Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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