bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
