why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
