I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
