then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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