So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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