Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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