the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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