haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
