Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
