i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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