she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
