but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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