I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
