Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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