Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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