glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
