I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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