I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
