new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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