Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
