if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
