Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
