I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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