This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I love you.
Bad choice
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
